What a Woman Wants!

As some of you know, I am in the process of getting a divorce. Being 47 (soon to be 48) there comes a point and time in your life (well, mine anyway) where your priorities change. At this point, the divorce isn't event final but we are on our way. Actually I'm wondering what she wants for our upcoming Wedding Anniversary; she has everything she needs; The Condo, Divorce Papers and a new Boyfriend.

With that said, I just want to find a woman who wants to drink cheap wine and have some good conversation. Seriously, that's all! We can talk Politics, Auto Racing, Sports, Travel...anything besides how horrible my life is because there are a lot of people worse off than myself. And besides, to talk about the horrible my life is, we will need 3 bottles of wine and you really don't want to see that! :)

So I got on a certain dating site and was looking around and what did I find? I found THE woman I want to marry, tomorrow, today even.. oh hell, let's head off to Las Vegas and get hitched this afternoon. I have found wife #4!!

Here is what her Personal Ad said... (you can't make this stuff up) My guess is she will not find what she is looking for. Actually, she is more than likely to find a Woman before she ever finds a Man. (See my commentary below)

just looking. not into players or head games. is there any good ones left? nothing else to say right now. My Next Boyfriend… 1. …will not cheat on me. 2. …will recycle, donate to a cause, volunteer, and otherwise be a contributing member to society’s well-being. 3. …won’t put others down to make himself feel better. 4. …will treat everyone with respect. 5. …will have a job. 6. …will not smoke pot. 7. …will talk when the need arises versus trying to put it off until later. 8. …will not watch ESPN endlessly. 9. …will not judge me for watching bad TV. 10. …will not be jealous of my gay best friend. 11. …will not want to spend every waking second with me. 12. …will call and not text. 13. …will be tall. 14. …will be emotionally mature, available, and evolved. 15. …will not wear a cell phone holster. 16. …will know how to manage his money. 17. …will not be vain. 18. …will ask me how I’m doing and how my day was and actually care. 19. …will be content sometimes to spend the whole day in bed watching movies and eating takeout. 20. …will compliment me every now and then, especially when I’ve made an effort to look nice for a night out. 21. …will not be an alcoholic. 22. …will have goals, dreams, and the drive to achieve them. 23. …will understand that ‘No’ means ‘No.’ 24. …will know how to do his own laundry. 25. …will text or call just to say ‘Hi.’ 26. …will not live across the country. 27. …will consider a long distance relationship if he has to move away. 28. …will be interested in culture, music, art, and travel. 29. …will have read a book since high school. 30. …will not snore…much. 31. …will tell the truth. 32. …will be open-minded and non-judgmental of others. 33. …will put as much effort forth to find out about my day as I did about his. 34. …will learn how to communicate like an adult. 35. …will actually enjoying spending time with me. 36. …will be crazy about me as much as I will be about him. 37. …will not make me feel dumb or childish. 38. …will appreciate the art of foreplay. 39. …will not try to teach me when I didn’t ask to be taught. 40. …will wear plaid well. 41. …will want to go to sleep at night with me, and wake up beside me in the mornings, not on the couch. 42. …will have sex with his eyes open, most of the time. 43. …will appreciate my efforts to try new things. 44. …will talk to me when something bothers him. 45. …will love me for me—faults, imperfections and all—and love me all the more for them. 46. …will continually surprise me. 47. …will lovingly accept my neurosis. 48. …will have the ‘we’ team mentality. 49. …will stay with me through joy and pain. 50. …will have a backbone in the relationship and not be afraid to tell me ‘no.’ 51. …will be a great kisser. 52. …will have a great sense of humor, but know when to be serious. 53. …will be more passionate in random moments. 54. …will know who he is as a person and be honest about that. 55. …will think I’m HOT, not just cute. 56. …will treat me as well as my friends do. 57. …will be able to laugh at himself. 58. …will have a regular sized temper than does not super-size itself randomly. 59. …will kiss me passionately every once and a while. 60. …will give me space. 61. …will not have a fixation with his ex. 62. …will not make me feel like I’m only second best. 63. …will be able to think more than two day in the future. 64. …will not go to bed at 9:30 pm. 65. …will have a good spiritual connection, but not enough to make me think he may want to be a priest. 66. …will want a family. 67. …will know what a commitment is and follow up that knowledge with actions that support it. 68. …will understand that relationships aren’t all perfect, and that sometimes fighting can resolve difficult issues. 69. …will like going out on a week night sometimes, rather than just watching TV.

5. I'm out of the running by the time we get here!

11. Oh trust me, this wont happen!

12. She would hate me by now :)

13. I'm only 5'7", I should have stopped reading a while ago

15. Third strike, I'm way out of her league!

25. Doesn't this contradict #12? She told me not too, now I can! Huh?

27. If I move away from you, it's for a reason sweetheart

40. Oh HELL NO!

42. Do you mean I have to look at you ALL of the time?

51. Got you covered here Sweetheart, really, I do!

55. I'd have to see you first to make a decision on this one!

60. So what do you want here, a dog or a boyfriend?

64. Sorry, sometimes this will happen, I'm almost 48 lady!

65. After spending time with you, I may WANT to be a Priest!

Why did she write 69 of these? Couldn't she go to 70 or stop at 68? Really!!